Today..
After a long time were I haven't written anything, then i finally found the inspiration. The clock says 12.30 am and I'm sitting here alone in my sofa, listening to songs about how i feel right now. Kim has gone to bed a long time ago, but I just can't sleep cuz I have so many thoughts in my head. Kinda making status about my life since i last had the curage to let myself do that. I've finally made the arrengements to see a proper shwrink and tomorrow is my first session. I guess that's why I've come to think about this.
Lately I've felt that i've made a big progresse personally, bcuz i've begun accepting and forgiving myself. instrad of trying to try and become the old me or who people expect me to be, i've finally tried to just find out who I am now. The depression has changed me. Ofcorse every normal human changes through puberty, but I've been so numb and obsessed by death and darkness during my depression, so i've never really had the energy to figure out how to cope life back then. And now were the anti-depressive has given me a rest from the darkness and grey thoughts, i'm goiong through what feels like puberty, mentally speaking.
I feel so fare behind, and i've always thought that I was so much more mature than everyone else at my ages. seems that i've just been too numb to have had any reaction to all the hormones that made the others so wild back then.
My depression has also robed me of my education, but I'm not bitter, cuz i understand that it's nobody's fault and that there was nothing that could have happened any different. I'l just try to focus on making the future brighter.
I've decided that i'll try to write a song and try posting whenever i have some thoughts i need to processe, cuz I know now that it is really helpfull. I sometimes read old posts just to reflect, and they mean the world for me today, so i wanna keep creating these important momentoms..
Well.. enough for tonight. There is so much more to write, but it's just too much to cope whit right now. .
love
Maria
After a long time were I haven't written anything, then i finally found the inspiration. The clock says 12.30 am and I'm sitting here alone in my sofa, listening to songs about how i feel right now. Kim has gone to bed a long time ago, but I just can't sleep cuz I have so many thoughts in my head. Kinda making status about my life since i last had the curage to let myself do that. I've finally made the arrengements to see a proper shwrink and tomorrow is my first session. I guess that's why I've come to think about this.
Lately I've felt that i've made a big progresse personally, bcuz i've begun accepting and forgiving myself. instrad of trying to try and become the old me or who people expect me to be, i've finally tried to just find out who I am now. The depression has changed me. Ofcorse every normal human changes through puberty, but I've been so numb and obsessed by death and darkness during my depression, so i've never really had the energy to figure out how to cope life back then. And now were the anti-depressive has given me a rest from the darkness and grey thoughts, i'm goiong through what feels like puberty, mentally speaking.
I feel so fare behind, and i've always thought that I was so much more mature than everyone else at my ages. seems that i've just been too numb to have had any reaction to all the hormones that made the others so wild back then.
My depression has also robed me of my education, but I'm not bitter, cuz i understand that it's nobody's fault and that there was nothing that could have happened any different. I'l just try to focus on making the future brighter.
I've decided that i'll try to write a song and try posting whenever i have some thoughts i need to processe, cuz I know now that it is really helpfull. I sometimes read old posts just to reflect, and they mean the world for me today, so i wanna keep creating these important momentoms..
Well.. enough for tonight. There is so much more to write, but it's just too much to cope whit right now. .
love
Maria
