Hey there...
As one of my best friends put it once, I only write when somethings wrong. Well Jesper I supose you're right. Yesterday it was mothers day as you all maybe know. Well to get you up to date on my life, then I was replaced at work last month, but I went out too look for a new job, witch I got in a supermarket, but I won't start there till the first June. Mean while it's hard to find money for all my expences. I have my phone, birth control pills, buscard, the useuall refill of make-up and all the loose for when I'm out. So at the moment it's lars who pays a lot of my stuff, but as a loan cuz I don't want him to loose money on me.
See it would have been easier if only my boss had paid out my vacationsavings the first may, but he hasn't I'm still waiting for it, even though I've been complaining about it. Then comes a nother probel. My boss haven't been paying my AM taxes, so I have to do it here the 20th even though the court will say that he has to pay it now. it's still almost 75% off my vacation savings that disapears if he refuses to pay 'em.
A nother thing is, that my former best friend and I, have become strangers to each other. We got in a fight, because she cheated on my causin (who she is with). We haven't talked for 3 months now. THe other day I sent her a goodbye poem. It's very hard to say goodbye to a person you've been best friends with almost your entire life. I can even tell the same symptons on depression I had once. It's hard standing there and watching a person you used to love, sink down into that hole.
My period is really late again, but we've all heard that story before...
My mother is constantly breathing down my neck and watching every thing I do...
hmm... and then I actuatly breefly fell in love with someone else, but I staid with Lars, even though I was really consittering leaving him. We often have these little fights when ever I get hurt over some little thing he does. I guess it is me who is over-sensitive, but then it's all because of the enormess pressure I got on my schoulders right now :(
... to get back on mothers day, then I had no money to buy my mother a present, but she understood, but I forced my self to give her a hug. I almost began to cry afterwards. For some reason I just can keep up my sheeld when I hug her. Lars was downstairs talking to my parents, but I had to run up to my room after the hug. All those heavy probloms I have right now, just seems to be to much. I'm stressed and I've got low selfasteem. It was the first time in a long time, I felt the depression again. I spilt a couple of tears, but I convinced my self that I had to be strong and not let lars see me like that again, even though when I'm alone like now, then I just wanna cry out on his schoulders. Just to know that someone sees my pain, cuz I know he'd understand, but I've betrayed him.
well... I hope I'll get my period soon... and my money. Otherwise i'm seriously screwed.
Hugs maria
As one of my best friends put it once, I only write when somethings wrong. Well Jesper I supose you're right. Yesterday it was mothers day as you all maybe know. Well to get you up to date on my life, then I was replaced at work last month, but I went out too look for a new job, witch I got in a supermarket, but I won't start there till the first June. Mean while it's hard to find money for all my expences. I have my phone, birth control pills, buscard, the useuall refill of make-up and all the loose for when I'm out. So at the moment it's lars who pays a lot of my stuff, but as a loan cuz I don't want him to loose money on me.
See it would have been easier if only my boss had paid out my vacationsavings the first may, but he hasn't I'm still waiting for it, even though I've been complaining about it. Then comes a nother probel. My boss haven't been paying my AM taxes, so I have to do it here the 20th even though the court will say that he has to pay it now. it's still almost 75% off my vacation savings that disapears if he refuses to pay 'em.
A nother thing is, that my former best friend and I, have become strangers to each other. We got in a fight, because she cheated on my causin (who she is with). We haven't talked for 3 months now. THe other day I sent her a goodbye poem. It's very hard to say goodbye to a person you've been best friends with almost your entire life. I can even tell the same symptons on depression I had once. It's hard standing there and watching a person you used to love, sink down into that hole.
My period is really late again, but we've all heard that story before...
My mother is constantly breathing down my neck and watching every thing I do...
hmm... and then I actuatly breefly fell in love with someone else, but I staid with Lars, even though I was really consittering leaving him. We often have these little fights when ever I get hurt over some little thing he does. I guess it is me who is over-sensitive, but then it's all because of the enormess pressure I got on my schoulders right now :(
... to get back on mothers day, then I had no money to buy my mother a present, but she understood, but I forced my self to give her a hug. I almost began to cry afterwards. For some reason I just can keep up my sheeld when I hug her. Lars was downstairs talking to my parents, but I had to run up to my room after the hug. All those heavy probloms I have right now, just seems to be to much. I'm stressed and I've got low selfasteem. It was the first time in a long time, I felt the depression again. I spilt a couple of tears, but I convinced my self that I had to be strong and not let lars see me like that again, even though when I'm alone like now, then I just wanna cry out on his schoulders. Just to know that someone sees my pain, cuz I know he'd understand, but I've betrayed him.
well... I hope I'll get my period soon... and my money. Otherwise i'm seriously screwed.
Hugs maria
