Another long day...
I'm in school now, feeling like everything has stopped inside, but still i continue on the outside. I'm confused, and in a way hurt, betrayed by my self. where am I now? *sigh*
I feel like i need a brake, but i'm on a train that can't stop.
I've started on the diet pills again. I use them to chear up, and keep a happy face on in school. They make me become a different person. I'm more outgoing and chearfull.
There's just this whole, that doesn't seem to disapear.
I controle my weight and my life, but it's still not perfekt. Something is missing.
Lars is a good boyfriend, and i care about him, but i don't love him.
I don't know how to handle this...

When I layd down to sleep last night, a person suddenly pops in to my thoughts. I don't know how to explain it, i just suddenly became so sad. I realized it was because i really missed this person. I wanted him to lay right next to me but instead there was another persone... Lars. I tryed kissing lars, but all I could see was this persons face. I hadden't seen or talked to this person for so long, i was surpriced that this feeling suddenly overwhelmed me without a warning. I couldn't really relly to my feelings so I lay awake for a couple of huors just staring into the darkness. Everytime i closed my eyes i kept seeing him. I thought to myself that maybe this is my bad consience, or maybe there was some feelings I had that wasn't coming to surfacce until now... i don't know. I just feel so confused.
I miss him...